


like roses want the rain

by dreadwyrmspawn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Get Together, Longing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, The Impala (Supernatural), idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:21:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29413305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreadwyrmspawn/pseuds/dreadwyrmspawn
Summary: Castiel can hear Dean's longing, and it's starting to drive him a tiny bit insane.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 116





	like roses want the rain

Dean’s longing is  _ I want you. I need you. But I can’t love you. Because I love you. _ Over and over like a mantra. It’s incessant, constant as Dean’s heartbeat in his ears. Sometimes Castiel has to turn off angel radio because it just gets to be too much for him. But even if the thoughts hurt, he is greedy for those words Dean won’t speak. So he always tunes back in. Always.

“Hey, Cas, can I say something if you promise not to laugh?” Dean asks in the darkened room as movie credits cast a dim light on the pair sitting in matching armchairs. The whiskey stone clinks as Dean sets his glass down on the end table between them. 

“Of course, Dean,” Castiel responds as he keeps his tone warm and welcoming. Trying to give Dean the comfort to speak those words he hears start screaming in his skull.

_ I want you.  _

“I, uh,” Dean mutters as he looks down at the hands in his lap. Castiel curses the black-blue light from the TV screen as it’s impossible to make out the look in Dean’s eyes. 

_ I need you.  _

Dean shifts in the chair, pulling a leg under himself as he turns toward Cas. He finally looks up as the movie kicks back to the menu screen, providing more light. Green eyes shift side to side, nervous as he tries again to drum up the courage.

“Dean,” Castiel gently prompts him to speak, leaning over the arm of his chair drawn to Dean in anticipation.

_ But I can’t love you. _

Dean clears his throat, the shift in his mantra and Castiel knows this isn’t going to be the time. It’s never going to be the time. Dean smacks his own thighs, and pushes out of the chair and busies himself with the DVD player. 

“You don’t have to say it,” Castiel says like he doesn’t know exactly what was on Dean’s mind. The pain in his chest rips him and sets him on fire. 

_ Because I love you. _

Dean’s fingers drum against the top of the player, the metallic tings puncturing the silence in the room. Castiel tries to remind himself he’s older than the Earth, if anything he has the patience to wait for Dean to be ready. Even if it takes until the death of this beautiful blue speck in the universe.

“Wanna take a drive?”

“Of course,” Castiel smiles when Dean turns to face him.

_ I want you. I need you. But I can’t love you. Because I love you. _

* * *

Castiel watches the miles fly by while Dean hums along to the radio next to him. 

“Where are we going?” He asks to break the silence. Even the longing has stopped. A ping of fear sparks through him. That is different.

Dean shrugs as he continues to sing softly to himself, his voice cracking when he tries to hit the higher pitches at the low volume. Castiel turns his attention back out the window, the setting winter sun setting the snow dusted trees on fire.

_ I want you. _

A sigh breaks over Castiel’s lips. The silence didn’t last nearly long enough.

_ I want to wake up next to you, Cas. I want to knot my fingers in your hair, and kiss those stupid pouty lips.  _

Electricity shoots through him at the sound of new longing. Parts of his Grace awaken that Castiel was sure he had lost years ago. 

_ I need you because I can’t breathe without you, Cas. I need you because I’m just a better person with you next to me.  _

Castiel’s nails dig into his knees through his slacks so hard he can feel blood stick to the fabric. His Grace ignites under his skin, the energy popping the street lamps that just turned on with the setting sun.

_ But I can’t love you. You’re you, Cas. You’re perfect and pure, and all I am is poison to everything I touch. _

“Dean, pull over,” Castiel isn’t sure how he has the strength to speak as the words break out uneven. “Now.” He adds as a demand at the end. The Impala’s tires squeal as the surface violently shifts under her.

_ Because I love you. You’re my best friend, Cas. I won’t ever say anything to jeopardize that. _

Dean throws her in park before coming to a full stop, making the both of them jerk forward. 

“What the fuck was that?” Dean demands an answer as he looks outside at the broken street lights.

“Me,” Castiel admits in a small voice.

“You?” Dean scoffs in disbelief as his gaze settles back on Castiel who is staring at him with eyes just as wide, “what, are you bored?”

“Um,” Castiel drops his head, the strain of those green eyes on him is too much. Maybe his patience was starting to wear thin. Maybe he was going to have to give Dean a push.

“I can hear your desire.”

Castiel wishes he could eat his words as soon as he says them, because Dean is caught frozen, unmoving and scared. Like Castiel yanked him from the dark of his own head and into the light. Insecure and vulnerable. Castiel hates it for a split second before the familiar words return to his ears.

_ I want you. I need you. But I can’t love you. Because I love you.  _

“Say it out loud, Dean, please,” Castiel tries to amend his words as he slides across the bench seat, crowding Dean against the driver’s door. He drops a hand on Dean’s shoulder, the other splayed out on his thigh.

“S—say what, man?” Dean stutters, wide eyes jumping to look at every place that isn’t Castiel’s face. His tongue darts out to lick his lips, and Castiel can’t look anywhere else.

“I want you, I need you,” Castiel starts, vocalizing the longing for the first time. It echoes his own, after all, and maybe if Dean heard it. Maybe then the torture could stop. 

“But I can’t love you,” Dean answers, though he looks confused as the words leave his mouth. His own thoughts being ripped from such a buried part of his brain he wasn’t even aware of them. Green eyes gloss over in fear and realization. Spoken finally. No way of taking it back.

The corners of Castiel’s lips twitch that those are the first spoken words of the mantra. But before he can complain the rest of it falls from Dean’s lips unaided.

“Because I love you,” Tears push themselves unknowingly down Dean’s cheeks as he continues, “I want you, Cas. I need you.”

Dean leans forward, ever so carefully to press a soft kiss against Castiel’s lips. His Grace sings, more lights burst outside. Baby’s engine revs, and the kiss breaks as Dean loses it to a laugh.

“Cas,” he chuckles against the angel’s lips, “you’re going to fuck the transmission.”

“Sorry, Dean,” he apologizes in earnest as he sits up to give Dean space again. But Dean follows, trapping Cas this time against the passenger door.

“You won’t do that if I kiss you again?”

“Um, I’ll try not to.”

This time as the kiss sends sparks through him Castiel can contain them, warming his core and setting him on fire. He pulls Dean close, their chests bump together as they awkwardly are tangled on the bench seat. Dean breaks the kiss again, resting his head against Cas’s shoulder. The smile hidden, but evident in his voice as he speaks.

“Let’s go home.”


End file.
